tegoshi crack. part 4.

[exquisite--x.livejournal.com]

Title: TEGOSHI'S REAL FACE.
Author: exquisite__x
Rating: PG? PG13 for language? Possibly?
Fandom: NEWS, pretty much. Random other JE is added in.
Summary: You think Tegoshi's just this adorable, innocent boy? I think not. Read his journal to meet the diva he truly is behind his innocent little mask.
Disclaimer: So this isn't really his journal. I made it up. Ugh.

CHECK OUT HIS FIRST ENTRY HERE.
AND HIS SECOND ENTRY? HERE.
SO NATURALLY, YOU'D READ HIS THIRD HERE.

WARNING : Tegoshi bashes a lot of other artists in these "diaries". Don't take it seriously. I actually like a lot of the artists that get bashed. But Tego's supposed to be a bitch. So. Haha.

May 17th, 2006

Dear Diary,

It's been almost a month since I last wrote here. Sorry. But it's because I've been so busy. Which pretty much means that I'm one hot bitch and I'm constantly in demand. Duh.

Okay so the other day I was like at the jimusho to discuss this new drama I'm going to be in with Ishihara Satomi, who's like waaay cute. But I'm cuter, so I'm pretty much gonna shine in this drama. Ohh, in your face, you little whore. She was in this stupid nurse drama with one of the guys in my band, Kei. He's like the ugly one with the single eyelids. The one that talks like waaay too fucking much and pretends he's like hot shit but is actually fug and can't get any like girls, or boys. Yeah. Photographers make us pair up with each other in pictures, but I almost always try to stay away from him because like, ew? He would totally like cheapen my image. Anyway. So I'm in the jimusho right? And guess who I saw?! Kinki Kids!! OMG. I was like ecstatic. Tsuyoshi is like my hero (apart from Paris Hilton, of course. She's like, the ultimate fashion icon, guys.) and I was totally psyched that I saw him. And not only that, I got to talk to him. He's like, amazing. I have like every single Kinki song on my iPod, AND I've sung every single one of their songs at karaoke. He's like, the reason why I agreed to joining JE. He's so fiiiine. I'd let him bang me any day. Mmm. Oh, and secret between you and me - I know where he lives. I used to kind of stalk him. Shut up. That's how much I idolize him okay. I waited till his rehearsals and stuff were over and then I'd ride my bike and follow his car. Then I'd sit with the flowerpots on his balcony and watch him...do stuff. Yeah. UGHH DON'T TELL ANYONE. Tsuyoshi has no idea. ANYWAY. So I totally have a better voice than Kouichi. Like, no shit. I think I'm hotter too. But Tsuyoshi - him and Kimutaku are like the ones that I absolutely cannot pwn. (I mean, one day, I will, because I'm DAMN sexy. But not yet.) Oh, and Paris Hilton. But she's not JE. Guys, can we please talk about the beauty of Paris Hilton? Diary, this is a secret, but I've bought every single Samantha Thavasa bag from Nicky's line. I also own every single Juicy Couture sweatsuit ever made - I wear them at home. Me and Paris totally match! Like seriously, if I weren't gay, I'd bang her. I mean. Um. Wait. Nevermind.

So yesterday Massu dragged me to this dumb restaurant because he wanted to try the new desserts there. I totally didn't want to go because DUH. I'M ON THE ATKINS. But he promised me apres-dinner sex and sex burns 360 calories per hour, so I was like, okay. I made him do it like for 3 hours though. Anyway, at this restaurant, I hear "OH. MY. GOD. TEGOPEEN?!" and I'm like "SHIT." and guess who I see? Some random ass Filipino girl standing in front of me with an UCHI uchiwa. Who the fuck has UCHI uchiwas? Hello, AM I NOT THE HOTTEST?! So I was pretty much about to bitch her out and kick her ass but then I realized, that, hello, I'm under a contract with JE that I can't be bitchy EVER really. So I put on this smile and I'm like "Hi!" but in reality I'm like "FUCK YOU AND YOUR UCHI UCHIWA, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FANGIRL ME!" and she's all clueless and fangirly and like "H...h...hi..." and Massu notices and is like "OMG HEEEEY!" and bearhugs her. What the fuck?! And she's all sweaty and nervous and like EW. And then she like randomly spazzes and is like "OMG OKAY SO I'M KRING NICE TO MEET YOUU!!! OMG TEGOPEEN YOU'RE SO CUTE!! OMG!" and I'm just like thinking "What the HELL does TEGOPEEN MEAN?!" but because I have to be nice, I'm like,  "Hello. Would you like a picture?" and smile. But yeah. Clearly she's talking about how well-endowed I am. Cosmo says black people are biggest, but I THINK NOT. I TOTALLY PWN IN THAT DEPARTMENT. ASIANS CAN BE BIG TOO. And you know what? This Kring girl wanted some of it. So I gave it to her. I pretended to be innocent while I let her drag me into a hotel and made her think I was totally inexperienced but AHAHA NO I PRETTY MUCH GET MORE ASS THAN KUSANO. And since I was totally having dreams about Paris, I was in need for some female action. So I pretended she was Paris. It worked out great. I didn't give her my number or anything though. After that night I stole her clothes and disguised myself and left. Then I caught up with Massu who was STILL EATING CAKE and went home with him. For that apres-dinner sex he promised me. I needed to whip him back into shape after the 3271 calories (I calculated.) he consumed JUST AT DINNER so we did it for a while. And to burn those that we didn't get to burn yesterday, we've got another workout planned today. So basically, I'm pimpin'. MORE than Kusano, bitch.

Eww, I'm tired. My make up won't go on right if I don't get my beauty sleep. I was deprived enough last year. I think the reason why I'm getting like exponentially hotter every day is because I get more sleep. Well. I was already cute. But you know what I mean. And tonight will be another long night. So I should get to bed.

SEE YA BITCHESSS. TTYL!

XOXO,
YUYA <33

Comments/Criticism please! And anyone else you'd like to see in these. So far, I've got Tackey&Tsubasa and Nakajima Yuuto and Kanjani8 (Specifically Subaru?) requested.

x-posted to jent_fanfics